La Cucaracha

You know how I’ve been nattering on how about living in the country, pastures and cows and blah, blah, blah?

(Heads nod.)

Well, you know what comes with all those tall grasses, hay bales, streams, rivers, lakes, mountains and visible stars?

Bugs.

And some have even made their way into my house. [Subtext: Ew! Gross! Yuck! Gag! Stop! Clay! Kill it! Ick! Can't look! Is it dead? Kill it, kill it! (Involuntary shiver.)]

We love going to the Greenway right by our house. 

Atlanta and its suburbs are committed to preserving nature, bugs and all.
But what is fine out here...

...Is unacceptable in here.

New York has its share of bugs, especially West Nile Virus-carrying mosquitoes and roaches. And I admit that every once in a while, a roach dressed in pony's clothing would canter across my Brooklyn living room; I’d freak out, drench it in Raid and call it a day.

But here, the ponies are stallions. And they like to climb walls. Especially if those walls lead to very high ceilings.

These stallions are called Palmetto bugs (to destigmatize them?), and they’re like the Rasputin of roaches. 

Frankly, that says a whole lot, since la cucaracha is allegedly able to survive a nuclear holocaust.

The Palmetto bug is also called the American cockroach; NY cockroaches are usually of the German variety.
Bigger is definitely not better here.
Photo via What's That Bug?

I’ve watched Clay go about four rounds with two of these suckers, and just when you think they’re goners, they come back for more.

Now, here’s the thing: I’m actually starting to worry that Clay will leave the house for a few minutes and, potentially, leave me to kill one of these suckers myself. Because, honestly, I don’t know whether I’d be able to screw up my courage and go shoe-to-antennae with a mythically-sized roach.

What would you do if Nessie came to visit?
I mean, I'm curious about mythically-large creatures, but that doesn't mean I want them in my house.
Hoax photo via Wikipedia.

Now that we've been reintroduced, I do remember Palmetto bugs stalking the Hilton Head vacations of my youth. But anything is suck-up-able for seven days a year. When days stretch into months, though?...

I think it might be time to call the exterminator.

[Meanwhile, if any Deep Southerner with Palmetto bug experience has words of wisdom for killing potential nuclear survivors, please let me know in the comments section.]